


Our Heroine and Our Hero Ignore the Silent Siren Call of Cupid

by chaletian



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:17:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaletian/pseuds/chaletian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeoman Janice Rand is not in love with Captain James Kirk. Captain James Kirk is not in love with Yeoman Janice Rand. No-one is in love with anyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Heroine and Our Hero Ignore the Silent Siren Call of Cupid

**I: How Janice Rand is not in love with Jim Kirk**

Yeoman Janice Rand is not in love with Captain James Kirk. What is she, stupid? Falling in love with your senior officer, especially when that senior officer is on the command staff, is a Very Bad Idea. Look at those capitals. They’re there for a reason. It’s the sort of behaviour that leads to despair, depression and an unhealthy dependence on alcohol/synthehol/imitation guava juice (delete according to taste). Case in point: Christine Chapel. Janice likes Chris. She’s fun, and clever, and good at her job, but it’s undeniable that her crush on Spock is her weak spot.

But anyway, this isn’t a story about Christine Chapel. This is about Janice Rand and Jim Kirk and how Janice is not in love with Jim.

Reasons why Janice is not in love with Jim

1\. He is her captain.

2\. He is, as everyone knows, a little bit of a douche

3\. There’s a slight possibility that he might have a thing for Uhura

4\. He is, in many ways, exactly the same as a teenage boy

5\. It would be very unprofessional and, basically, doomed

6\. As she might have mentioned, he is her captain

Tragically, none of the reasons involve not finding him attractive. Which he is. (Objectively speaking.) He’s good looking. He has a dedication to his crew that is sort of heart-warming. He has an unexpected interest in eighteenth century naval services which she finds fascinating. He collects books and scars and she ~~loves him~~ likes him.

Also, he learnt all McCoy’s clinical codes. And Scotty’s engineering codes. He even knows when a DW-134 form has to be filed with Starfleet Command.

(Back then, before she knew him, before Enterprise’s mission, she had been stopped in the hallway by Admiral Billings, who called her over by name, which was flattering, because who knew there were admirals who actually cared who she was? She’d been chosen very carefully for her post, he said. Her previous captain had recommended her very highly, he said. Kirk had the ability to save the planet, sure, he said, and would probably end up one of Starfleet’s greatest captains if he could keep from getting killed, but it was highly unlikely he had a clue about most of the administration that came with running a five year mission into unexplored space. Then he’d chuckled, and nudged her arm, and said conspiratorially, “We’ll be relying on you, Rand. Kirk’ll be meeting alien species by the cartload, but he wouldn’t recognise a D-191 if it bit him on the ass!”

And Janice smiled politely, and didn’t point out that the D-191 had been superseded by the DW-134 quite some time ago.)

So, anyway, that’s all quite endearing, and he’s quite dashing, but Janice is not in love with him.

**II: How Jim Kirk is not in love with Janice Rand**

“I hate brass hats,” says Jim moodily, fidgeting in his dress uniform and trying not to glare at all the Federation bigwigs as they cluster around tables of food in the dramatically redecorated observation deck.

“That’s because you have authority issues, sir,” says Rand. She’s attached to a padd, as usual, checking off a list of something. She’s in dress uniform too, dark honey blonde hair swept into some sort of complicated style that Jim just wants to pull down and… No. No, he doesn’t. He’s not at all interested in doing anything to Yeoman Rand’s hair. Or anything to do with Yeoman Rand generally. Because, yes, she’s pretty and funny and she looks at him like she can see right through him which with anyone else is a feeling he hates, but with her, he… He’s not interested. Because he’s the captain. Captain, captain, captain. Cap---

“…and you need to speak to the Andorian ambassador, because you already spoke to Dros of Tellar, and apparently, according to my notes, you’ll create some sort of intergalactic conflict if you don’t. Captain?”

“What? Andorians. Right.” He fidgets even more. “Why’d they pull us in for this? There’s been suspicious activity along the Romulan neutral zone, we’ve got two security officers in the brig after that thing with that Cardassian ale and the banjo and Winters, Cook’s run out of coffee, I’m supposed to be acting as some kind of arbitratror for those two developed planets in this solar system and also,” he finishes up unhappily, “Spock and Uhura had a row – or whatever passes for a row with Spock – and everyone’s walking on eggshells.”

“Boo hoo,” says Rand, and Jim scowls at her. “You’re everyone’s blue-eyed boy at the moment, Captain. You’re the guy who saved Earth.” She shrugs. “Stands to reason.” She consults the padd again. “Now, seriously, go and talk to Hindor before he starts complaining that the Andorians are being slighted again.”

Jim watches her as she weaves her way back through the crowd of officers and diplomats, and resigns himself to half an hour’s tortuous conversation with the Andorian ambassador. He’s just steeling himself to it (fighting crazed Romulans from the future? Fine and dandy. Oz-like child aliens? Not a problem. Spores? He can cope with that. Gladhanding self-important diplomats, however, he can do without), when an admiral hoves into view, and it takes Jim a moment to place him.

“Kirk! How are you finding life on the Enterprise, m’boy?” It’s Billings. Jim remembers him because of his striking resemblance to every admiral in every book about the old British navy.

“Great, sir, thank you. A real challenge, but she’s a good ship with a good crew.”

“Excellent, excellent! I can tell you we’ve been enjoying the reports you’ve been sending back. Fascinating reading. It’s wonderful to see Starfleet pushing back the frontiers of known space, what?”

“Yeah. Wonderful. If you’ll excuse me, Admiral, I have to go and talk to…”

“And you’ve even got the record-keeping in order! I don’t mind telling you, Kirk, that we were concerned about such an inexperienced crew, but I see Yeoman what’s her name? Round? Wren?”

“Rand.”

“That’s it! Rand. Glad to see she has you in hand! We thought she would. Spoke to her specifically about it. Anyway, I see that chap Hindor’s got his eye on you, so you’d better speak to him. Touchy, the Andorian lot. Very touchy. Well, good luck to you, Kirk.”

He claps Jim heavily on the shoulder and wanders off, leaving Jim standing there, something that feels like anger or betrayal burning inside him. Spoke to Rand, did they? Knew she’d keep him in line, did they? Well, Jim Kirk is going to have a little word with Yeoman fucking Rand and find out exactly what she’d been assigned to Enterprise to do. There’s not a blonde hair in sight, and he catches at a passing ensign.

“You seen Rand?”

“Heading towards E deck,” says the ensign, eyes wide at Kirk’s expression. “She said she’d forgotten something.”

Jim smiles, all teeth. “Oh, she definitely did.”

He heads off in the direction of E deck, ignoring Hindor’s look of affront and three separate attempts to delay him. He’s jogging now, and has to come to an abrupt halt as Rand suddenly comes round the curve of the corridor, head bowed over yet another fucking padd, and he stands, suddenly awkward, because how exactly do you ask your right hand woman if she’s been telling tales on you?

Rand looks up, startled. “Captain? Did you want something?”

“I was talking to Billings,” he says, and he’s heartened to see her roll her eyes. “He sa…” He breaks off, because a door near them opens, and Tel, one of the Driidians, appears. The Driidians occupy the third planet in the solar system the Enterprise is currently in, and are engaged in some kind of long-drawn-out feud with the Alamites, who occupy the fourth planet. Enterprise has been trying to help negotiate a peace treaty, with limited (fine, none, so far) success.

Tel, who is short and stocky and a delicate puce colour, looks as surprised to see them as they are him. But not quite as surprised, evidently, because while Jim and Rand are still staring, he presses a button on the box he’s holding, and darkness falls.

**III** **: How the Driidians have no emotional involvement with either Jim Kirk _or_ Janice Rand**

They’re in a cell. It’s dark, but dry and warm and it smells like aniseed.

“This is just embarrassing for everyone,” says Jim.

“Silence, prisoner,” says the Driidian guard.

“Make me,” says Jim. The Driidian guard shoves a stick through the cell bars and electrocutes him.

**IV: How Janice Rand and Jim Kirk are not in love with each other**

Janice waits till the guard gets bored of the sight of Jim Kirk writhing in the dirt and wanders off, then leans over.

“You OK, Captain?” she asks.

“Fine,” wheezes Jim.

“Great.”

“Give me a minute,” Jim continues to wheeze, “and I’ll knock out those bars.”

She rolls her eyes. “When has that ever worked?” she asks. It never has. Jim doesn’t say anything. “I think Commander Spock’ll figure out pretty quickly where we are.”

They sit in silence for a little while. Janice is right; under the circumstances, it won’t take long for the Enterprise to work out where its two missing crewmembers have gone.

“Why does this kind of thing always happen when the brass hats are watching?” demands Jim.

“Because the universe hates you,” replies Janice promptly. “And, apparently, me too, which I think is unfair.”

“What is unfair,” says Jim, sitting up straighter suddenly, “is that Billings thinks you’re some kind of Starfleet mole. What’s up with that, Yeoman?”

Janice gapes a bit. “What?”

“A mole,” reiterates Jim. He does some kind of mime. “Feeding information back to Starfleet.”

“I _do_ feed information back to Starfleet,” says Janice slowly. “You know that’s my job, right? They _did_ teach you about reporting back at the Academy?”

“A _mole_ ,” insists Jim. “Billings said you’d been assigned to get me in hand.” He uses air quotes effusively. Janice scowls.

”Billings is an idiot,” she says.

“You’re not a mole?”

“No,” says Janice.

“OK.”

They sit in silence a little longer.

“I do keep you in hand, though,” says Janice.

“I wouldn’t say that,” objects Jim.

“I would,” says Janice.

“OK.”

They sit a little longer.

“I could totally break down those bars,” says Jim.

Janice says nothing. Jim gives one of the bars an exploratory shake. “It would be a shame to spoil Spock’s rescue attempt, though,” he says. “I value my crewmembers’ self-esteem.”

“And that’s what they appreciate about you, Captain,” says Janice.

“I know, right?” says Kirk, nodding.

There’s some more silence.

“Glad you’re not a mole,” says Jim. “That sucked.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” says Janice.

Jim glances at her and smiles. “I know. I mean, I panicked and did some accusing, but I know.”

Janice smiles back. There’s a commotion outside, and Spock, McCoy, and a handful of security officers burst in. Jim waves.

“Captain,” says Spock, “I am glad to see you and Yeoman Rand are unharmed.”

“They electrocuted him,” says Janice.

“I’m fine,” says Jim.

**V: How Janice Rand cannot be in love with Jim Kirk**

He jumps up, and reaches down a hand to help Janice, which she contemplates ignoring because she’s not _ninety_ , but she’s so weak and she lets him pull her up, his hand warm around hers.

He holds it a second too long, and Janice doesn’t think anyone else notices – Spock is updating the Captain on the diplomatic mission’s status and McCoy is bitching about the consequences of electrocution – but she can feel the press of his fingers after he releases her. She notices the flick of his eyes towards her.

Janice looks away.

**VI: How Jim Kirk cannot be in love with Janice Rand**

Turns out Bones has some very decided opinions on the subject of electrocution and Jim lets them wash over him. Unconsciously his hand curls in on itself till he notices, and forces his fingers to relax. He can feel Rand’s hand in his, which is as good a reminder as any that he really, really shouldn’t be finding reasons to touch her.

Jim crosses his arms, and pays attention to Bones.

**VII** **: How the** **Enterprise** **keeps on flying**

Janice stacks the padds on Jim’s desk for him to sign off, and leans her hip against the edge.

“Scuttlebutt says Commander Spock and Lt Uhura have made up,” she offers.

“I don’t gossip about my crew,” says Jim virtuously, picking up the top padd, “but that is good to hear.”

Jim signs off the reports and Janice shares the latest news.

They don’t touch.

Neither do they serve together forever.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started writing this actual years ago and only just finished it; in the meantime, I stole a paragraph out of the middle and used it in another fic, only I quite like the paragraph in question, so I've left it in rather than rewriting, even though it's lazy. Not that I imagine anyone would have noticed if I hadn't mentioned it. But, yeah.


End file.
